Friday, February 12, 2010

romance me

Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wonderous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'til morning comes
Watch the sunrise
To fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'til we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on

Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you
I mean
You crush me

You know I mean to tell you
All the things I've been thinking
Deep inside
My friend
With each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on

Now that is a romantic love song and my all time favorite by the fantastic Dave Matthews.  Whew.  My knees are weak.  He gets it.  Women need to be desired, cherished, loved and accepted, as is.  Ditto for men.  Here's the scenario.  Soft candle lights glowing, soothing music playing.  A warm bath waiting.  A nice bottle of wine and a promising evening of simple delights.  One version is dressing up and hitting the night on the town with dinner and dancing (or a movie) and another is, after being caressed by the luxurious bath, put on a comfy robe and sit by a cozy fireplace with the one you love.  Romance is  fabulous and fanciful.  A true romantic embraces sentimental and amorous feelings. 

Hootie (Darius Rucker) gets it -"I don't need no 5 star reservations, I've got  spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine -  but as far as I can see - I've got a roof over my head, the woman I love layin' in my bed. I've got shoes under my feet - forever in her eyes lookin' back at me - and it's alright, alright with me."  Women don't want bells and whistles all the time,  we just want a little appreciation for what we do.  It's always the simple things. When my mate makes the bed or sets up the coffee pot, puts a load in the washer, makes spaghetti or listens to me vent, that's all this woman really needs to feel noticed.  Let him see you getting dressed and accidentally, on purpose, walk out of the room with (or without) your panties on so he can peek and remind him of the goods you got - all for him.   Call him up during the day and remind him you can't stop thinking of him and can't wait for him to come home to you.  Snuggle with him when he does. Little tokens of affection can be romantic in their own right.
Did you ever watch What Women Want with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt?  We want men to LISTEN and HEAR what we have to say.  My guy is a nester, so needless to say, a top priority with him is a clean home; and he is also Polish, so a nice meal waiting for him is the highlight of his day.  This must be where the phrase the key to a man's heart is through his stomach.  Someone once mentioned we should treat our mates as we do our friends. Most of us would not belittle or deliberately use hurtful words more often than not to them.  Why do this to the most important person in our world?  It made sense to me.  I often bite my tongue, swallow my harsh thoughts and let it go.  Try it.  It works for me.  The other day my repairman was admiring the pasta dish I was in the middle of preparing and he said it not only looked, but smelled so good.  I gave him the recipe and he mentioned his wife was home and after the next call he would urge her to make the dish.  I suggested he stop at the grocery store and get the ingredients and they make the dish together.  His eyes lit up and he knew that would make her happy, plus he was guaranteed to be eating that meal. I hope he did.

Not all men care about this stuff and would rather have a woman who is more of a trophy wife, who takes the utmost care of herself so he can show her off to his business associates and friends.  If this is acceptable, then do whatever it takes to be the best you can be and offer the option of being 'their better half'. We know you're tired from working all day and appreciate your efforts to bring home the bacon so you can provide the lifestyle we are accustomed to.  Steve Harvey says men are defined by three things -    who they are, what they do and how much they make.  Three promises of love by men are to profess, provide and protect.  Three things men need to be happy are support, loyalty and the cookie.  Men feel appreciated with a woman's support, they want to be reassured of their loyalty and of course, want to connect with us, hence, they need the cookie: intimacy.
Women want to be wined and dined.  No doubt.  Being romantic is being flirty, displaying affection, reminiscing about past moments of joy together.  Hearing a song that reminds you of younger days and sharing the feeling.  To keep things spiced, take her to a movie, a nice dinner, give her an excuse to get all gussied up and flaunt the beauty you see in her.  Women - wear those high heels once in awhile to show off your beautiful bodacious butt and legs.  Do it for the man.  Let him know you made the effort to please him and believe me, it doesn't take much to turn a man on.  Exude confidence, our most sensual trait. I heard it all when I was the goddess in my massage business.  The one thing everyone needs, men and women, is someone to listen to them and try to be considerate and understand their feelings.  The bottom line is this - everyone wants to be appreciated.  Everyone wants to have someone make them feel like a god and goddess.  It doesn't matter if time makes our bodies bigger, just highlight your assets and let nature run its course and do the rest.

Once I watched a series on animals and their reproductive nature and it is known that a certain female gorilla's behind protrudes when she wants to attract the male.  Wearing high heels give women this same effect. The male is rendered helpless and follows this trigger to find his mate.  Let's follow their natural suggestion and wear clothes that enhance our natural beauty and shake a tail feather in front of the guys.  What have we go to lose?  It could be fun.  Let your hair down.  Be playful.  Be carefree. Bring sexy back!
I finally read the book by John Gray about six years ago, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus and kicked myself for not reading it sooner because it is loaded with tips for both men and women on how to understand how we all think and why men and women behave as we do. It makes perfect sense.  We are so different in our needs and wants and once we figure out what makes us all tick, it's easy peasy.  We are wired differently.  We cannot help it. This is how we evolved.  Think caveman.  I believe if we are considerate of each other's needs, we must not be so lazy as to disregard little gestures that may bring tremendous pleasures and boost our self-esteem.  Contrary to what people may think, men really do not want their mates to be their mother.  Let them figure things out.  They are more than capable.
I believe women have a specific need to share everything.  This is why girlfriends are so important in our lives.  We tell them every minute detail and men are really not interested in details.  They are straightforward, bottom line creatures so their indifference is really because they don't give a damn about the trite events in our lives.   Women do, and will offer the support and advice necessary to appease our issues.  We love details.  We all have our roles.  We could rid our lives of so much frustration if only we did our research and realized our differences and mostly, accept them.  No one is perfect, so compromise. Consideration is key.  Find the happy medium where most times everyone can be content.  It's not that hard.  Men usually don't do things the way we do and if we criticize them on their efforts, forget it - it's a lost cause.  Praise them for whatever they tried to do, change the baby's diaper, boil pasta, wash a load of clothes.  If they feel appreciated for their efforts, I promise, they will continue.  Of course, it will not be done as we would, but so what. Men thrive on fixing things.  They are the ultimate repairmen.  It is their essence. Another thing women need to do is learn to ask for help.  Men and kids are not mind readers.  They do not see the dust collecting on the desktop and do not care about it.  Ask them to help and then thank them for doing so.
Little efforts make a difference. The other night my hubby's hands were chapped from the cold so I personally applied a nice warm creme and massaged it in for him.  He loves soft cuddles on his head and face while we watch TV and I love a great foot massage.  It is such a small act of kindness and caring.   My son painted more rooms in his condo and set up the spare closet for his girlfriend to keep her things.  It was remarkable how much time and effort he went through while she was on vacation so she would be pleased and happy to share his place in comfort.  I am so proud of him and am confident so is she.  The best part is he was so happy just to make her happy.  He gets that from his dad, no doubt.  This little stuff applies to new couples and older farts like us as well.
Getting back to my main topic of romance.  I am a huge fan of music and exposed many clients to new venues of listening. I made a note to follow which favorite pieces enticed people and came to the conclusion that all men love Sade and Annie Lennox. Andrea Bocelli is next for everyone and so is Sarah Maclauglin. Jesse Cook and Ottmar Liebert are phenomenal for setting the romantic mood. Sade just came out with a new CD after 10 years. I can't wait to hear it. Lizz Wright is awesome and so is Chantal Chamberland. Try listening to  Torch songs by past artists such as Peggy Lee (my favorite) Etta James and Dinah Washington. People went bonkers for this stuff.  Set the mood.  Play special music.  Light the candles and fireplace.  Pour the wine and make a special treat - even if it's cereal at night.  Strawberries and chocolate are great as aphrodesiacs.  A little wine does wonders to help us relax and unwind, letting go of the day's worries.  Feel special.  Feel confident.  Feel beautiful.  Hold hands and stroll.  Be silent and enjoy the quiet, just knowing you have each other.  Laugh at his jokes.  Caress her hair.  Be together. Hold each other tight and don't let go.  We are never too young nor too old to rekindle the romance. Most of all, keep the twinkle in your eye.

And if you want to follow Lady Gaga's lead, get yourself a bad romance.  Whatever you need.

The Beatles knew the secret: the love you take is equal to the love you make. xo